I'm back! Reflections on Change and Growth

 Wow! Has it really been two years since I last updated this blog?? Bad Adam! *Smacks himself with a rolled up newspaper*

...erm... right.

All joking aside, between focusing more on the Differently Wired Facebook page, starting a YouTube channel, working on a major upcoming writing project of mine, and just...well...2020 in general *shudders* it occurred to me that I kinda let this blog fall by the wayside. Because of that, I wanted to take this opportunity to renew, revisit, and bring it back! After all, a neurodiversity activist like myself needs a place to ramble, rave, and rant politically, doesn't he?

Psst - the answer is yes!

The truth is, alot has changed for me in the two years since I posted my last article about alternatives to ABA. I've grown as an activist, changed my stances on some things, met some amazing fellow neurodivergent folks, and just really come into my own in a way I didn't think possible before. It's led me to want to write this post as much to reactivate the blog as to both clarify and share these new developments with you. But what are these changes and growth points, you may ask? 

First of all - the biggie. I've decided to stop referring to myself as an Aspie. This is something that had already begun even back in 2019, but if anything it's just accelerated since. Truthfully, I never used the term out of any belief in supremacy, nor did I ever think Hans Asperger was some kind of saviour (I have some deep DEEP concerns about the man but that's a rant for another day) - for me, it was always just a personal thing. It took me almost 15 years to even begin to accept the label Asperger's for myself because of lots of internalized ableism, so I wasn't quite ready to give it up just yet. It felt like something I'd fought hard and earned about my identity, so while I understood it wasn't any different than autism, I used it to honour that struggle towards self acceptance. Writing this blog and my adventures in Neurodiversity were actually a BIG reason why I was even able to do that to begin with, and now this feels like the next logical step. I will still refer to Asperger's in a historical context when discussing my own life and history, but I think it's important for us to move forward as the AUTISTIC community, and as a person who runs an online platform (even if it is tiny)? I can't help but be reminded of the words of Ben Parker from Spider-Man: "With great power comes great responsibility." I want to be inclusive towards our entire community, so this is a small but personally significant way I'm choosing to do that.

Next, I wanted to offer a clarification on two of my previous blog posts - the ABA ones specifically. I do think my overall message was pretty clear, but looking back I can see some people thinking I was a little soft and wishy washy at points. They were written for parent readers primarily, so I would just like to reiterate something for everyone, be you parent or fellow neurodivergent folks:

ABA is bad. Behaviourism...especially with no regard for the person's mental state, agency, or consent...is the baddest of bad news bears. Any suggestions I offered to mitigate being stuck with it, while valid, are just band aids. My ultimate goal is to reform and declaw ABA to the point of nonexistence. To kill it by educating, informing, offering mitigating strategies to those stuck with it, and hopefully causing people to change their minds about the whole thing in the process. Please don't interpret my approach as a validation of it. It's the farthest thing from! I just know what a big battle we have ahead on bringing true meaningful change to the way our society provides support for autistics, and this is my small way to help with that. At the end of the day, I am trying to kill it with fire, I just favour a slow burn that promotes learning and alternatives alongside the blaze.

For my third and final point, I want to end off on a cool note - I've been gaining a far deeper understanding of gender and how it applies to myself over the last few years! I've come to realize that ethical nonmonogamy works best for my neurodivergent brain as a relationship style, and I've discovered that my experience of maleness is different from that of others. It's coloured inextricably by my being autistic, which led me to discover a great new term - autigender! It's been a wild ride and I will definitely talk more about all of that in a future post, but I just wanted to share that here!

I guess the ultimate point of this rambling and raving piece is that growth is a good thing and often happens without our being aware of it. It's okay to look back at past opinions and think "I don't believe that any more and here's why" or "I can see how I wasn't so clear, and I want to explain better." After all, changing your mind based on the presence of new data is the whole point of the scientific method to begin with, and the posts on this blog tell a story of one autistic dude's growth over almost a decade, so there are bound to be things that, looking back, are cringy. It's part of the journey.

And I'm grateful to all of you for making it with me! 

Yours in diversity,

Adam Michael

I Suck As An Advocate

I suck as an advocate. I’m not always patient. I don’t always hold space in my heart for understanding and compassion. I don’t always follow my own advice, and practice what I preach. The truth is, sometimes I’m a hypocrite. Sometimes I get frustrated just as much by my own fellow spectrum dwellers as I do by all the anti-vaxxers and autism warrior moms out there. Sometimes, I’m even impatient with those who need my patience most; my family…several of whom are on the spectrum or otherwise equally as Neurodivergent as I am. I want so badly to help, to speak out, and to make the world a better place, that sometimes, I fail to live up to my own standards.

I’m sorry for that…I really, truly am.

I can’t promise I will never fail – to fail is human after all. What I can promise, however, is to always pick myself back up. I promise to always listen, to always try, and to always learn from my moments of failure. I promise to use them to inform my activism, and to let them show me the way towards being a better human. I promise that I DO in fact understand that each of our struggles are unique, and that I will always be here if you need someone to talk to or support you. I can’t promise I will be able to do so with money…but that’s millennial living for you.

Most importantly, I promise to never give up the fight. To never stop trying to be the best advocate I possibly can be, and to never allow the failure to win.

So yes, I suck as an advocate – but I will never stop learning how to be a better one.

Yours in Diversity,

Adam Michael

"Fearing the Wind": Change, Growth and Life

Change. It's a part of life. Merely the act of being alive on this earth brings with it the need to change and adapt to new surroundings and situations almost constantly. Even still, this is one of the hardest things for any of us on the Autism Spectrum to deal with. While humans in general tend to get comfortable and have difficulty with change, this is magnified a billion-fold when one has an ASD. I have not always realized this about myself, but events this year have conspired to bring me face-to-face with my own resistance to new things and new life situations.

As I've said before, I've worked for the same small telecommunications company for the last few years, ever since graduating from university. Early on, I saw potential for growth and career development with them, so I diligently stuck with it and worked at whatever my superiors requested from me. Things began to change in that department, however, when I was promoted to my current role. While this position enticed me (how could any salaried position with a pension and benefits not do so to someone freshly out of school?), I soon learned that things were more difficult than I expected them to be in a leadership position. Organization, time management, understanding the nuances of social interaction – all things which, while workable, do not always come as easily to an Aspie like myself – are essential skills in my managerial role. Naturally, I struggled through these things and made many mistakes, but through it all I worked hard, fought the good fight and dedicated myself to self-improvement. For her part, my immediate supervisor was supportive and willing to help me learn.

Our corporate manager on the other hand, was (and is) a different story. Almost from the beginning, he has apparently not liked me. I've consistently worked hard to demonstrate the immeasurable strengths which I bring to the table, but equally as consistently he's shot me down in favour of pointing out my difficulties. This came to a head recently, and after four years of his bullying, coupled with how hard I worked to improve myself, it stung. I hit my lowest point and I'm slightly ashamed to admit that I cried in front of my immediate supervisor. At the time, I felt embarrassed and oh so low.

The thing of it is though, in a weird way this conversation set me free.

Two weeks after having this interaction with my boss, I've experienced my life change for the better in so many ways. I've decided on a direction for my career, refocussed my energies on pursuing what I want out of life, and begun the process of cutting negative influences like my corporate boss out of my life. Most importantly, I found a new job more suited to my strengths! This whole thing has lead me to believe that life is too short to do anything other than play to your best qualities and seek out happiness. Ironically, none of this would have happened were it not for things hitting a negative point in my current work situation.

We Aspies are inherently creatures of routine and habit. We crave structure, repetition and comfort, and don't always like venturing forth to seek out new opportunities. While this may make us intensely loyal to a certain group, organization or place, it can also put the blinders on our vision and cover up the many signs that may be telling us that it's time to take the bull by the horns and embrace something new. The truth is, I've been hiding behind the creature comforts of a salaried position from the very real fact that I needed to look for something more suited to my abilities, and I have been for some time now. Finally reaching the point I'm at feels like a great weight lifted off my shoulders. I'm free, and for the first time in three years, my future feels filled with hope and optimism.

The point I'm trying to make in all of this is that, while its difficult, especially for anyone with an ASD, to accept change, sometimes it's what we need most in order to thrive. Change betters us, helps us grow, and teaches us valuable lessons about ourselves and the world. While it's not always easy, it is almost always beneficial since even the bad experiences bring with them positive wisdom and self-development.

After all, to quote Captain Jonathan Archer of the Enterprise NX-01, “you can't be afraid of the wind.”

As always, yours in diversity,

Adam Michael