Change. It's a part of life. Merely
the act of being alive on this earth brings with it the need to
change and adapt to new surroundings and situations almost
constantly. Even still, this is one of the hardest things for any of
us on the Autism Spectrum to deal with. While humans in general tend
to get comfortable and have difficulty with change, this is magnified
a billion-fold when one has an ASD. I have not always realized
this about myself, but events this year have conspired to bring me
face-to-face with my own resistance to new things and new life
situations.
As I've said before, I've worked for
the same small telecommunications company for the last few years,
ever since graduating from university. Early on, I saw potential for
growth and career development with them, so I diligently stuck with
it and worked at whatever my superiors requested from me. Things
began to change in that department, however, when I was promoted to
my current role. While this position enticed me (how could any
salaried position with a pension and benefits not do so to someone
freshly out of school?), I soon learned that things were more
difficult than I expected them to be in a leadership position.
Organization, time management, understanding the nuances of social
interaction – all things which, while workable, do not always come
as easily to an Aspie like myself – are essential skills in my
managerial role. Naturally, I struggled through these things and made
many mistakes, but through it all I worked hard, fought the good fight and dedicated myself to self-improvement. For her part, my immediate supervisor was
supportive and willing to help me learn.
Our corporate manager on the other
hand, was (and is) a different story. Almost from the beginning, he
has apparently not liked me. I've consistently worked hard to
demonstrate the immeasurable strengths which I bring to the table,
but equally as consistently he's shot me down in favour of pointing
out my difficulties. This came to a head recently, and after four
years of his bullying, coupled with how hard I worked to improve
myself, it stung. I hit my
lowest point and I'm slightly ashamed to admit that I cried in front
of my immediate supervisor. At the time, I felt embarrassed and oh so
low.
The thing of it is though, in a weird
way this conversation set me free.
Two weeks after having this
interaction with my boss, I've experienced my life change for the
better in so many ways. I've decided on a direction for my career,
refocussed my energies on pursuing what I want out of life, and begun
the process of cutting negative influences like my corporate boss out
of my life. Most importantly, I found a new job more suited to my
strengths! This whole thing has lead me to believe that life is too
short to do anything other than play to your best qualities and seek
out happiness. Ironically, none of this would have happened were it
not for things hitting a negative point in my current work situation.
We Aspies are inherently creatures of
routine and habit. We crave structure, repetition and comfort, and
don't always like venturing forth to seek out new opportunities.
While this may make us intensely loyal to a certain group,
organization or place, it can also put the blinders on our vision and
cover up the many signs that may be telling us that it's time to take
the bull by the horns and embrace something new. The truth is, I've
been hiding behind the creature comforts of a salaried position from
the very real fact that I needed to look for something more suited to
my abilities, and I have been for some time now. Finally reaching the
point I'm at feels like a great weight lifted off my shoulders. I'm
free, and for the first time in three years, my future feels filled
with hope and optimism.
The point I'm trying to make in all of
this is that, while its difficult, especially for anyone with an ASD,
to accept change, sometimes it's what we need most in order to
thrive. Change betters us, helps us grow, and teaches us valuable
lessons about ourselves and the world. While it's not always easy, it
is almost always beneficial since even the bad experiences bring with
them positive wisdom and self-development.
After all, to quote Captain Jonathan
Archer of the Enterprise NX-01, “you can't be afraid of the wind.”
As always, yours in diversity,
Adam Michael
No comments:
Post a Comment