Showing posts with label Aspergers in daily life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Aspergers in daily life. Show all posts

Saturday, April 30, 2016

The Importance of Educating Others: Making a Difference, One Brain At A Time

As you all know, I've spoken numerous times on this blog about the problems inherent in the mainstream media's understanding of Autism Awareness Month. The focus on curing, the pathologizing of personality types, and other such issues are just a few of the many facing those of us on the spectrum at this time of the year. What I haven't touched very much on, however, is simply how little real understanding there is among people. Indeed I've found that, despite everyone being so very terrified of Autism, many don't even really understand what it is and what the best ways of working with it are.

Recently, I was visiting my mom's side of my family in Kingston, Ontario and while I was there, I had an opportunity to talk to Kingston's M.P.P. (Member of Provincial Parliament for you non-Canadians out there)'s aide about my concerns over some of the provincial government's new Autism spending priorities. My cousin is also Autistic you see, and he felt the need to go provide a real human face to the whole thing. Naturally, I enthusiastically tagged along. While there, I took the opportunity to explain my concern over a recent image released by Ontario's provincial government in honour of Autism Month encouraging people to “light it up blue.” I talked about how Light It Up Blue is a propaganda campaign promoted by Autism Speaks, how it undermines the ability of those of us on the spectrum to speak and exist for ourselves, and how otherwise problematic the campaign is. I even suggested that the government use “Red Instead” and “Neurodiversity Month” in place of Light It Up Blue, since they are more respectful of the agency and rights of Autistics. Well, an amazing thing happened; the MPP's aide not only listened, she smiled in approval and understanding, as if a rainbow-coloured, infinity-shaped lightbulb had gone on upstairs. She thanked us both for the input and told me she had never considered what I had said before but that she'd get right on bringing it to Sophie (the MPP)'s attention.

I had made a difference; and it felt amazing!

The whole thing really drove home for me how little most people know about Autism. Granted, we've all heard the word, seen the propaganda, and probably all either know someone on the spectrum or are there ourselves. For most individuals, however, that's where it ends. The reason why most people think Autism Speaks is a great and charitable organization, for example, is that there is a precious lack of understanding. This is of course, not helped along by the fact that most information about Autism is presented by clinicians, politicians, parents and charity groups, with most of Autistics' actual stories being drowned out by these voices. It's a frustrating dilemma because most would probably turn wholesale against the mainstream understanding of Autism if only they knew better. This isn't meant as condescension; it's merely a fact.

There is a common idea among activists that it shouldn't be the responsibility of the oppressed group to explain themselves and educate others. While I understand the sentiment behind this, I don't find its fair nor applicable in the case of the Neurodiversity movement precisely because of this lack of information. While its true that we shouldn't HAVE to explain to others what its like living on the Autism Spectrum, the reality of the situation is that we often must. After all, if we don't, who will? If those of us who are neurodivergent don't speak up and contribute our human stories to the conversation, then the discourse will continue to be dominated by researchers, clinicians and parents' groups. The fact is, most people do want to help and meet us where we are, but we first need to help them know exactly where that is. Education is an essential part of improving the world for those with ASD and other neurodivergent conditions. It's the only way we can fight back against all the lack of understanding and actually build a world that is fair to everyone no matter the circumstances of their birth.

In the words of Peppy Hare from Star Fox (because it's kind of become my obsession right now), “Do a barrel roll,” educate others, and keep fighting the good fight!

Yours in Diversity,


Adam Michael

Monday, April 18, 2016

"Fearing the Wind": Change, Growth and Life

Change. It's a part of life. Merely the act of being alive on this earth brings with it the need to change and adapt to new surroundings and situations almost constantly. Even still, this is one of the hardest things for any of us on the Autism Spectrum to deal with. While humans in general tend to get comfortable and have difficulty with change, this is magnified a billion-fold when one has an ASD. I have not always realized this about myself, but events this year have conspired to bring me face-to-face with my own resistance to new things and new life situations.

As I've said before, I've worked for the same small telecommunications company for the last few years, ever since graduating from university. Early on, I saw potential for growth and career development with them, so I diligently stuck with it and worked at whatever my superiors requested from me. Things began to change in that department, however, when I was promoted to my current role. While this position enticed me (how could any salaried position with a pension and benefits not do so to someone freshly out of school?), I soon learned that things were more difficult than I expected them to be in a leadership position. Organization, time management, understanding the nuances of social interaction – all things which, while workable, do not always come as easily to an Aspie like myself – are essential skills in my managerial role. Naturally, I struggled through these things and made many mistakes, but through it all I worked hard, fought the good fight and dedicated myself to self-improvement. For her part, my immediate supervisor was supportive and willing to help me learn.

Our corporate manager on the other hand, was (and is) a different story. Almost from the beginning, he has apparently not liked me. I've consistently worked hard to demonstrate the immeasurable strengths which I bring to the table, but equally as consistently he's shot me down in favour of pointing out my difficulties. This came to a head recently, and after four years of his bullying, coupled with how hard I worked to improve myself, it stung. I hit my lowest point and I'm slightly ashamed to admit that I cried in front of my immediate supervisor. At the time, I felt embarrassed and oh so low.

The thing of it is though, in a weird way this conversation set me free.

Two weeks after having this interaction with my boss, I've experienced my life change for the better in so many ways. I've decided on a direction for my career, refocussed my energies on pursuing what I want out of life, and begun the process of cutting negative influences like my corporate boss out of my life. Most importantly, I found a new job more suited to my strengths! This whole thing has lead me to believe that life is too short to do anything other than play to your best qualities and seek out happiness. Ironically, none of this would have happened were it not for things hitting a negative point in my current work situation.

We Aspies are inherently creatures of routine and habit. We crave structure, repetition and comfort, and don't always like venturing forth to seek out new opportunities. While this may make us intensely loyal to a certain group, organization or place, it can also put the blinders on our vision and cover up the many signs that may be telling us that it's time to take the bull by the horns and embrace something new. The truth is, I've been hiding behind the creature comforts of a salaried position from the very real fact that I needed to look for something more suited to my abilities, and I have been for some time now. Finally reaching the point I'm at feels like a great weight lifted off my shoulders. I'm free, and for the first time in three years, my future feels filled with hope and optimism.

The point I'm trying to make in all of this is that, while its difficult, especially for anyone with an ASD, to accept change, sometimes it's what we need most in order to thrive. Change betters us, helps us grow, and teaches us valuable lessons about ourselves and the world. While it's not always easy, it is almost always beneficial since even the bad experiences bring with them positive wisdom and self-development.

After all, to quote Captain Jonathan Archer of the Enterprise NX-01, “you can't be afraid of the wind.”

As always, yours in diversity,


Adam Michael

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

"Neurodiversity Month": Why "Autism Awareness" Just Doesn't Cut It Anymore


Ahh springtime. The sun is shining, the temperature is rising, and if you're Canadian like myself, you've probably just survived Second Winter (seriously, good on ya mate). It's the time of the year when everything seems to be waking up and things are beautiful. There is, however, another reason this part of the year is meaningful, especially to those of us on the Autism Spectrum and our allies. April is, after all, traditionally known as Autism Awareness Month, and it's that time during every orbit of the earth around the sun when all those who care about Autism choose to show solidarity. Sounds good, right?

The problem is, as both a yearly phenomenon and a movement in general, Autism Awareness doesn't really cut it. It is a cause that dates back to the first parents' movements centred around Autism, and it has the backing of big organizations like Autism Speaks, but the issue is that none of these groups really put Autistics first. Parents' groups are, understandably, focussed on navigating the challenges of raising a child with Autism, and Autism Speaks has a whole host of problems that would take an entire blog post to fully articulate. Despite having honourable intentions, both groups unintentionally (perhaps intentionally, in the case of Autism Speaks) perpetuate the same message; that Autism is a tragedy in need of eradication. Nothing could, of course, be further from the truth.

There is an important saying among Autistic self-advocates that there can be "nothing about us, without us," and it is the violation of this principle which is at the root of all of society's misunderstandings of Autism. People are inundated with clinical facts and statistics about various Autism Spectrum conditions that range from true-yet-overly-simplistic to flat out wrong, and yet not many organizations that claim to fight for the welfare of Autistics actually seem to care enough to consult those of us with first hand experience on the subject. If self representation is a key cornerstone of any civil rights struggle, then it is an opportunity many of us are denied in the mainstream Autism discussion.

Because of this, I'd like to propose something on this blog. Rather than calling this Autism Awareness Month, let's rechristen it "Neurodiversity Month" instead. We would of course still welcome all of the support and shows of solidarity put forth by our allies and friends, and we would still encourage the discussion of best practices regarding working with Autistics and living with Autism. The chief difference would be that, rather than let other organizations define our struggles and triumphs for us, we will do it ourselves. Neurodiversity Month represents us taking back the month and fighting for our own self-representation on this issue, and it's essential. There will be no talk of cures and eradication, only love, acceptance and support the way it should be anyway. Basically, much like June is LGBT Pride month, I propose we make April ours.

I invite anyone reading this blog to support this initiative. Let's retake the month together, and give all of those on the Spectrum a chance to advocate for and represent themselves. Our Facebook page will have custom banners and profile pictures available. I urge you to use them throughout April to show your solidarity and support, not just for Autistics, Aspies and other Neurodivergent folk, but also for our right to be ourselves and speak for ourselves, our struggles and our triumphs in this world.

As always Yours in Diversity

Adam Michael

Thursday, March 3, 2016

"Tool of Oppression": The DSM and the Pathologizing of Personality Types

Ahh the DSM. Anyone with even a passing familiarity with psychology is aware of its existence. To mental health professionals all over North America, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is the defacto bible by which they shape their careers. Within it is listed every condition discovered by psychological professions up to this point. To society, it is the gold standard by which all mental health conditions are categorized and understood. It is the lens by which most of us view the workings of our own minds, whether we realize it or not.

But is it the best way?

I've been thinking a lot about the DSM lately for many reasons (my book-in-progress and my self-discovery of also having ADHD-Inattentive, to name a few), and its led me to one inescapable conclusion; in some ways, the DSM is the worst enemy of anyone who challenges what I like to call the 'pathology paradigm' present in psychology. Simply put, the DSM is the tool by which, whether knowingly or not, mental health professionals perpetuate our culture of stigma and oppression towards those who are differently wired. The problem isn't even really with the DSM; as a field guide to the various ways in which human minds can be constructed, its very valuable as it has been thoroughly researched and can effectively give guidance on what kinds of problems someone with any of the conditions listed within may possibly face. The issues arise, however, when we start to treat the DSM as the unflinching word of the gods.

I read an interesting article recently on the topic of neurodiversity which argued that in order for any real change to happen in this area, those of us who are neurodivergent would have to stop using the “tools of our oppressors,” (disability first language, words like pathology and disorder, etc.). While I'm not strictly anti-psychiatry per se, the author had a valid point and it is encapsulated in the tendency of the DSM, and psychology in general, to pathologize the human mind and its various personality types. By its very nature, psychology seeks to categorize and classify the various states of the brain and identify 'disorders,' but who exactly decides what is a disorder and what is simply a divergent state of normal human wiring? Such classifications are all-too-often culturally biased and based almost entirely on what is deemed acceptable by the standards of the society in which they have been created. By accepting such a practice without even considering the socially constructed element of disability, are we not effectively filtering otherwise normal human personality types through an arbitrarily designed acceptability filter?

Don't get me wrong; I understand full well that there are certain conditions listed in the DSM which genuinely are concerning both for the safety of society and the individual themselves. In our search for more and more of those however, we must be careful to avoid pathologizing personality types. After all, if we as a species are naturally diverse physically, culturally and even spiritually, why not mentally? There is no one-size-fits-all human body, so why must the brain conform to such rigid standards of normalcy? We need to move away from the traditional medically-based understanding of psychology and towards one which blends what we have learned with an understanding of the wonderful diversity of human nature. One which respects the identity and agency of each and every human being and which doesn't simply reduce them to a diagnostic label on a testing document.

After all, I may be an Aspie, and I may have ADHD, but I am Adam first and foremost. These have shaped me and are a part of me, but at the end of the day I deserve far more than to be reduced to a simple pathology.

The same is true of every human on this planet, no matter the challenges we face.

As always yours in diversity,


Adam Michael

Oh, by the way, here's the link to the article I mentioned in this post. Definitely worth a read!:

http://un-boxedbrain.com.au/2016/02/oppressors-tools/

Thursday, February 11, 2016

"Autistic World" - The Social Construction of Disability

It's a commonly known trope that there seems to be a fine line between genius and insanity. Indeed, so many of those who have been most responsible for changing the world for the better have (or had) at one point in their lives or another been thought of as disabled and/or unhinged. Steve Jobs, for example, while creatively brilliant and almost single-handedly responsible for the rise of Apple Inc., was also revealed by several co-workers, subordinates and family members to be irritable, short-tempered and mean-spirited to those who in his mind didn't understand his obsessive vision of perfection. Likewise, as a more classic example, Albert Einstein was considered slow and had difficulty communicating and understanding math, and yet is now reverently known among scientists as the father of the theory of general relativity. History is replete with such examples of nearly unhinged genius, and I would argue that many of these individuals possessed some condition such as Aspergers (or ADHD, OCD, etc.) that made them neurodivergent.

This isn't as crazy as it sounds, and there is scientific evidence to back it up. In fact, Hans Asperger himself has gone on record saying that children on the spectrum tend to have “a special interest which enables them to achieve quite extraordinary levels of performance in a certain area.” In addition, he also said that “it seems that for success in science or art, a dash of autism is essential.” If the father of the Asperger diagnosis himself has made the case for the merits of being differently wired, who are we to argue?

I've said it before, but playing to and advocating the strengths of those on the Autism spectrum is essential to providing the kind of empowerment many need to succeed. After all, to someone growing up with a condition that many believe either doesn't exist, or is a tragedy, its hard to overcome the feeling of being somehow broken. Believe me I know. In a world that has such a narrowly defined and subjective view of normalcy, its easier to feel like a freak than it is to recognize that often times being a freak means that you're the only buffalo with the wherewithal to realize that the herd probably shouldn't be running off a cliff.

But wait a minute, you say; surely normalcy isn't subjective? What about all the drawbacks faced by those with conditions such as ASD or ADHD? Aren't people disabled by these conditions? You'll get no disagreement from me that having any number of alternate brain wirings can be a recipe for pain and difficulty in life. I would argue, however, that many of these are caused by the social construction of disability. That is to say, many of our problems as Aspies come from the fact that we aren't in the majority, and so we don't set social conventions of what constitutes 'normal.'

To illustrate this point, I'd like to do a little thought experiment with you dear reader. Let's assume for a minute that the autistic brain was considered to be the baseline 'normal' wiring of human grey matter. Such a world would be organized along intensely logical lines with little variation. Social order would be upheld by streaming children into educational pursuits based on their Autistic special interests, and excessive noise would be considered grating and irritating and be avoided at all costs. Social interaction would of course still happen since on some level its wired into human genetic makeup, albeit to a lesser and more eccentric degree than it currently is, with socially acceptable quiet time making up a part of everyone's day. Everyone would be expected to focus on and become absorbed by their special interests, and it would be considered a noble use of time to become an expert in one's chosen field. I'm not saying every Aspie or Autistic individual perfectly fits this mold; indeed some of us are less rigid and more emotional with our free time. Overall, however, I think this kind of would would make us all pretty happy, myself included.

Now, imagine into this perfect Autistic world is born a Neurotypical individual. From birth, this person would be thought of as being different somehow. “Why, Jane is talking before she's even five years old!” a parent might exclaim. At this early age, experts would be dumbfounded by the rapid onset of language, and deem that Jane was a genius. They would study her intensely, with no one quite sure what to make of the wonder-toddler. As she aged, however, people's opinions of Jane would change. Eventually, she'd attempt to express what would be seen as an 'excess' amount of affection for her parents, and a yearning to be with other children. When she got to be school age, Jane would not discover a single-minded passion for one subject like many of her peers, nor would she be able to become intensely interested in one topic at a time and shift between these many obsessive interests like many others. At this point, her parents would probably become concerned and take Jane to an expert, worried that somewhere along the way she'd lost the brilliant spark within her that granted her the ability to speak before age five.

What would such an expert say of Jane, who was clearly differently wired by the standards of this fictional Autistic world? “It is my opinion that this child suffers a form of intellectual regressive psychosis, particularly one that triggers the dormant primal parts of the brain that control social interaction,” one might say. Another may argue that “though the child begins life bright and with every advantage, abnormal brain development causes a deterioration of hyperfocussing ability, coupled with a near obsessive desire for social interaction and networking.” Yet another doctor may even argue that Jane's parents themselves were at fault for her differences, saying that “her condition is caused by an excess of affection shown toward the child by her parental units during the early years of her development.” If this bizarro world is anything like our own, this person may even go on to be credited as the sole father of “Neurotypical Disorder” for years before anyone challenges his wisdom.

Eventually, of course, this strange parallel world would develop its own equivalent of the Neurodiversity movement, albeit one which instead argues for the rights of Neurotypicals as full members of the human experience. This movement would propose that, far from being disabled, Neurotypicals are “brilliantly social, with a rich fabric of interactions the rest of us can only dream of.” Furthermore, scientists would come to discover that Neurotypicals have had a history of existence dating back to the dawn of human history. People would come out proudly as Neurotypical, or they would affectionately proclaim that “my uncle Tim has always been weirdly obsessed with talking to people. We all thought he was strange but now I think he's Neurotypical!” There may even be a Neurotypical version of myself in this universe, struggling to write this book about my experiences as a social extrovert while trying to decide what to pre-drink before the party later that night. The NT community would have its own awakening moment, much like the Autistics of our world are starting to, and humanity would finally begin embracing the concept of Neurodiversity.

Sadly, this story probably didn't end as well for Jane. If Autistic World was anything like ours in its treatment of those who are neurologically different, Jane would have been institutionalized shortly after her parents took her to get evaluated. She would have spent life alone in a padded room, hopped up on medication designed to suppress social desires and increase her ability to focus on one thing and become absorbed. Inevitably of course, Jane would revert, since chemicals can only temporarily change a person's behaviour, not convert a Neurotypical into an Autistic or vice versa. She may even have experienced electroshock treatments in a perverse attempt to correct her social behaviour much like Autistics did in our world at the hands of behaviourists. Eventually, Jane would commit suicide after having lived a life of sadness in a world that wanted her to conform and embrace solitude when all she yearned for was the warm embrace of another human. While she would come to be the poster child of the movement against the brutalities of the psychiatric care system in her world, this would prove to be cold comfort both to Jane and her parents.

This may seem like an exaggeration, but sadly its all too similar to our own society's views of Autism throughout the ages. The horrible reality is, Autistic people who were very much in Jane's position endured all of the same kinds of terrible treatments she did, while getting none of the support she should have received. Genius does come part and parcel with a differential brain wiring, but often times whether one is seen as brilliant or mentally diseased very much depends on the conditions of one's birth. As an Aspie, I've always known I was intelligent, but the big reason I was able to embrace that and not be defined by my deficits has always been that my parents didn't allow such a thing to happen. Other children were not as fortunate, and this is a humbling realization to come to. For this reason, its important that we recognize that every human, regardless of brain wiring, faces situations with which their grey matter just isn't equipped to deal. In such situations, we all need help and support so that we can overcome it and play to our strengths, whatever those may be. If we try to cure Autism instead, all we risk doing is exterminating a neurotype with so much to offer humanity.


We risk losing the people who see the world differently, and this in itself would be a crime beyond measure. 

Yours in Diversity,

Adam Michael

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Personal History: A Journey In Self Reflection

I haven't updated this blog as much as I've liked over the past month, but in my defence I have a very good reason for this. As I've mentioned in a few posts previously, I've been working on writing a book about my experiences growing up and living with Aspergers' Syndrome. Titled “Differently Wired: The Musings of a Grown Up Aspie,” my book will explore living with ASD from every angle, and needless to say I've excitedly been throwing everything I have into the project. Sadly, I've ignored the blog a bit because of this, for which I want to apologize.

During the course of writing, however, I've had some interesting reflections. Recently, I had to go obtain some documents from my Ontario School Record to assist me in putting the project together and I can safely say that exploring my own school documents was a humbling and enlightening experience. I have a Master's in history, so I am familiar with how to properly use and research primary source documents. The difference is, I'm accustomed to such primary source documents being somewhat impersonal; a speech by a prime minister, a report from a general, correspondence from the front lines, that sort of thing. Nothing prepared me for my journey through my own personal history

In any university history program, one important rule that they teach is to look at the past with the same kind of detachment you'd use when learning about another country. In retrospect, I've learned that a similar approach must be taken when looking through one's own past. Even still, however, it was a powerful experience to learn where I came from through the eyes of my parents and educators rather than through my own. We all, I think, have a rose-coloured view of our own lives, and its often difficult to accept that we may have not been quite as capable at any number of things at any point in our lives. For me, looking through my OSR drove home the fact that, if I am now okay with socializing and only come off as slightly awkward, that was not always the case. According to my evaluations, there was a time in my school career where I was not well liked by others, nor did I display any leadership qualities at all. At the time, I found this hurtful to read, but if anything it serves to show how much we all grow throughout our lives.

Aspergers is, of course, a pervasive developmental condition which lasts a lifetime and so it comes as no surprise that there were parts of my own life which demonstrated my Aspie-ness more than others. We all learn, grow and develop coping strategies as we move through life, and so people can seem far more well-adjusted later in life than they did earlier. It can be a humbling and empowering experience to learn about oneself at an earlier point in life but I caution anyone doing so not to internalize it. Instead, look at what you read for what it is; a snapshot of a time long gone by. It is true that those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it, but equally true is the danger of allowing oneself to be ruled by the past.

After all, we need to move forward, onward and upward at all times!

Yours in Diversity,


Adam Michael

Monday, January 4, 2016

Labels

I am not a label. I know this sounds like a common sense thing to say. I realize that we are constantly imbued with messages that tell us that we are each individuals and that we need to rise to the challenge of individuality in this society. The thing is though, it is most definitely, NOT a common sense thing to declare, for if it was, we wouldn’t constantly be seeking to label and control others based on who we perceive them to be due to a few arbitrarily assigned words. That we think we can do this with any degree of efficacy is in itself an absurd proposition.
We’ve all been labelled throughout our lives. Here are a couple of mine: aspergers, nerd, geek, dork, loser, epileptic, asthmatic, introverted, socialist, and the list goes on. Some of these, I’ve been assigned by others, some of them I have claimed for myself. Regardless, despite where they have come from and the associated emotional baggage that comes with all of them, none of them tell the whole story of who I am as a person. Each word attempts to paint a whole picture of who someone is while lacking ninety percent of the puzzle pieces needed to complete the image. Doing this to someone...ANYONE...is dangerous because you are reducing the beauty and complexity of a full, sentient human being down to a few descriptor words at best. How can that do anything but remove someone’s sense of agency and self worth in the process?
Rather than use this piece as merely a polemic about the dangers of labels, however, I’m going to actually SHOW you, dear reader, how incomplete a picture they present, by using my own life as an example. Rather than assign me or anyone else a label, let’s instead try to remember some of their worth as a human being. Instead of thinking of me merely as a case of mild, high-functioning Aspergers, consider the fact that I have experienced terrible bullying and yet still manage to approach life with a positive and happy attitude, or that I am an accomplished writer, with a Master’s degree in History and a Bachelor of Education. When you call me a dork or a nerd, remember that I am also a loving older brother to three younger siblings, with whom video games were often a source of bonding. Even in terms of the positive labels I’ve embraced, they only go so far. Instead of leaving it at calling me a socialist, recognize that I’m also a neurodiversity activist, a supporter and ally of the feminist and LGBTQ movements and a full believer in sexual positivism as a force for good in our society. Basically, instead of counting me and countless others as mere numbers, members of the faceless masses of humanity, take a moment to get to know us. Everyone deserves the chance to be known as a human first and foremost.
To label someone is to attempt to squeeze someone into a box they were never meant to fully fit in to begin with. It is an attempt to reduce the boundless wonders, talents, failings, triumphs, ugliness and flawed beauty that is any one member of the human species to a single descriptive word. It is, quite frankly, an insult to each and every human on this planet.
It is high time we started doing better. The time has come for us to start embracing each other as members of the human family, not merely words.

I know we can do it.

Yours in Diversity,
Adam Michael

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Aspergers In My Daily Life: A Study


As I've said in a previous post, I've recently started writing a book about my experiences growing up and living as an Aspie. The support I've received for this project has been immense and really heartwarming but it has frequently caused me to wonder; am I autistic enough to write this? Aren't there those far more severely on the spectrum than I, and would they really be served by my work on this subject? Ultimately, I'm not self shaming with this; I know I'm definitely an Aspie and that this blog helps loads of people daily (as I hope the book will too!). The thing of it is though, if anything this project has made me more aware of my little "aspie moments" on a daily basis. In light of that, I'd like to share a few examples of how Aspergers influences me in my every day life:

Sarcasm: Oh boy. Let it first be said that I absolutely LOVE sarcasm! The wordplay, the double entendres...its the stuff of language geek porn! Needless to say, I am an extremely sarcastic person, and I fling it with wild abandon at both my customers and coworkers alike. I am not, however quite as good at getting it back. Like anyone on the spectrum, I have an extremely hard time distinguishing between genuine comments and sarcasm. Sure, I can read the obvious cues, but when a person is consistently sarcastic with a deadpan facial expression, I start to worry and wonder. We recently hired a new guy at work for example, and while I think quite highly of him as a human, he is a perfect example of what I'm talking about and as a result I didn't know how to take him at first. Now? My obliviousness has become a running joke among all of my coworkers and I.

Verbal Motor Skills: I am obviously a lover of language and writing, and yet there are so many times throughout any given day when I find myself fumbling over my words, unable to articulate what I know my brain wants my mouth to say. This contributes to my clumsiness and social awkwardness, and it feels as though my brain is literally running a billion times faster than what my mouth can keep up with. In many ways, this is why I've embraced writing; I can take my time and communicate far more eloquently than my verbal skills allow for. This is especially true when I'm nervous, such as when my boss is standing right over my shoulder...

Sensory Overload: I know I've already devoted an entire blog post to this, but I just wanted to reiterate it as part of this entry; sensory overload is definitely a thing. And it sucks. In my case, its very much brought on by crowds of people, loud noises, and when things get busy at work. Working in retail, you can imagine this happens all the time, which leads me to....

Anxiety: To be frank, I feel anxiety about almost everything. What should I do for breakfast? Is my friend upset at me? Am I texting too much? Am I NOT TEXTING ENOUGH? My list could go on indefinitely, and as one of my best friends is fond of pointing out, "Adam just has THINGS about THINGS." Since its tied to Aspergers, my anxiety manifests mainly in terms of social situations. Typically, my responses to these situations at work progress as follows: crowds/hordes of humans --->loud noises----> sensory overload -----> anxiety. I also have a bad habit of questioning myself on every decision I make, and then second-guessing it as well. This makes social situations interesting to put it mildly.

I know I'm missing many little examples, but I hope this serves as just a small taste of how Aspergers influences my daily life as an adult. Everyone's experiences are different, however, and your mileage may vary. We all have challenges after all, and no two people are alike. Just because someone you encounter may not seem to have challenges and quirks, it doesn't mean that they don't. Me personally? I know I'm weird, but I prefer to think of it as different. And proud!

Yours in diversity,

Adam Michael