Autism Speaks...for Change?? (Or Did We Somehow End Up In The Mirror Universe?)

About a week ago, something happened which, I believe, has the potential to rock the Autistic and Neurodiversity community to its core. No, society hasn't magically become a more accepting place, and no, people haven't magically become aware of the evils of ABA. What did happen, however, may be equally as big; Autism Speaks revoked their focus on cureism in their official mission statement.

For those who aren't aware, Autism Speaks is one of the biggest players in Autism advocacy. Unfortunately, they've also traditionally been one of the most damaging organizations in the public eye, promoting a dangerous vision of Autism as a defect and something to be both pitied and cured. They have run hurtful PR campaigns which have presented ASD as an epidemic and tragedy, and in so doing have alienated those of us on the spectrum in big ways. At best, many of us simply dislike AS for the things they have said...at worst? Psychological damage has occurred. The average person has no real concept of how bad Autism Speaks is for Autistics, however, since they've basically become the de-facto Autism charity. Everything from "Lighting it up blue" to the puzzle piece have all been created by this organization...often without even consulting Autistics themselves.

And yet...last week things have shown signs of getting better. Autism Speaks reworked their mission statement and removed any trace of cureist language from it. Gone are messages promoting the elimination of autistics; in their place Autism Speaks has made a great fuss about providing the support Autistics need to live full lives. It's a really nice and inspiring thing to see, and I'm hopeful that this means real change is on the way.

Ultimately, do I trust that this organization will do the right thing? I'm sorry...but no. The damage has been done and all of us in the Neurodiversity community feel far too burned to ever give Autism Speaks an ounce of our trust. Even still, I do hope that this means clearer waters ahead for those of us who are Neurodivergent. Autism Speaks is made up of humans after all, (and neurotypical ones at that)...isn't change supposed to be something we are all capable of?

As always yours in diversity,

Adam Michael

“Unintentional Ignorance”: Why Society Doesn’t Seem To Understand Neurodivergence And How To Fix It.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about how mainstream society treats those of us who are not neurotypical. It varies of course; condescending pity, genuine but misguided desire to help by doing things for us, assuming we aren’t capable of doing jobs simply due to the wiring of our minds, and so on. The one certain thing about all of it though, is that our modern world just doesn’t seem to know what to do with those of us who are different. It almost seems to baffle them that we exist at all! We’ve only very recently come to terms with the fact that it is perfectly okay for humans to have different skin colour, hair colour, eye colour, handedness, physical builds and many other variations, yet we still don’t understand that the same kind of diversity exists within the human brain itself. If we did, autism ‘treatments’ wouldn’t strive to normalize those on the spectrum nearly as much.

I know this is an old rant, and that I’ve had it countless times before, but I’ve had it driven home for me recently just how little people really know about autism, ADHD and a plethora of other conditions beyond the stereotypical propaganda. In my own experience, it has not been uncommon to find myself talking with someone at work or out in public whose heart is in the best of places but who also makes certain untrue and unfair assumptions about those who are neurodivergent. “Oh he socializes really well for someone with autism!” they might say, or “well you know, she can’t sit still because she has ADHD.” The crushing thing about such statements is that, while there is always an element of truth, they are overly simplistic and don’t give enough agency to the person they’re referring to. Not only that, but even more damning is that most people can’t help but have these assumptions because it’s the only side of this discussion they’ve been exposed to. Autism Speaks and a plethora of other organizations are to blame for that.

So how do we fight back against this rising tide of unintentional ignorance? Speak out, inform, educate. I’ve said it before, but for those of us fighting this battle, assuming that others should do their homework and inform themselves is a luxury we cannot afford to have. We need to be out there, talking about our own experiences as neurodivergent people, normalizing the existence of diverse permutations of human grey matter, and all around making it be okay for people to be true to who they are. I understand this isn’t always easy; some employers may not understand, nor might some close friends. Standing up might be difficult, but I would argue that if things weren’t worth doing they wouldn’t be a challenge. Only by doing this can we receive the assistance we need, while respecting our right to exist as people. In short, the only way to achieve the shift in public consciousness we seek is to lead by example and show people the way. They need us to SHOW them what to do with us...and that is to love and accept us for being exactly as we’re supposed to be.

After all, it was Mohandas Ghandi who said we “must be the change we wish to see in the world.”

As always, yours in diversity.

Adam Michael

Cosplay and the Art of Empowerment

So I won't lie, I'm a huge nerd. Those of you who've followed this blog since the beginning should know this well by now, but basically when I'm not spending my time blogging about Aspergers, Autism and Neurodiversity, I spend it thoroughly immersing myself in nerd culture. This past weekend in particular was amazing for that: I got to spend the entire day on Saturday at FanExpo Canada in Toronto, Ontario! I got to meet some great people, take some great pictures and attend some amazing Q and A sessions (with John Barrowman and Kate Mulgrew respectively – each of them incredible and talented performers!). It wasn't until I was tackling the long, four hour drive home alone in my car that I got to thinking about just how much of a positive impact being a part of the nerd subculture has had on me. Specifically, I'm talking about cosplay.  

For those not in the know, cosplay is a hobby where nerds dress up in costumes dedicated to any one of the many fandoms we all tend to have. It's why geek conventions are filled with aliens, assassins, superheroes, soldiers and lots of other funky and cool characters, and why you can often see just what happens when a stormtrooper takes on a Star Trek redshirt (provided you can get two willing cosplayers to go along with it – remember, cosplay is not consent!). While the rest of the world sees a bunch of nerds flaunting their weirdness and dressing up, however, they're missing just how empowering and life-changing this hobby can be. I guarantee if you were to ask any given cosplayer at a convention about it, they'd all tell you how getting into the hobby has made them happier people. 

When I was a kid going through middle school, I got bullied relentlessly for being a nerd and having nerdy interests. In particular, the other students in my class thought it was hilarious that I was in to Star Trek and other science fiction properties since it apparently made me weird. After all of the teasing I endured because of being a Trekkie, I entered my first year of high school deathly terrified that anyone should ever learn that I enjoyed Gene Roddenberry's universe. People would ask me if I liked Star Trek and I would cringe in fear...possibly even deny that I did. If someone had told me back then that, in about 13 years, I'd be getting on public transit in Toronto dressed in a Starfleet uniform heading to a convention filled with fellow nerds and embracing all aspects of nerd culture? I might have laughed in disbelief. And yet, that's exactly what I did this past weekend. It felt amazing! 

For someone like myself, who is both an Aspie with difficulty in social situations and a lifelong nerd who's been ostracized for it, something like FanExpo can be extremely liberating. Dressing up in a far out costume and going to a place where I'm embraced by my fellow nerds and really allowed to express that side of myself has been empowering to me ever since I first started cosplaying and attending conventions years ago. It's allowed me to ramble passionately about my geek interests with others who are just as obsessive as I am on the subject, and to proudly and defiantly embrace a core part of who I am. More than anything, dressing up in cosplay and going to FanExpo (or any convention really) feels like going home and being with my own people. More so, it has allowed me to develop my confidence to the point that I can now walk down the streets of a big city like Toronto dressed in costume and not feel self-conscious. I can't begin to tell you how that has helped my self esteem and self worth. 

Beyond all the panels, Q and As, and memorabilia, this, to me, is the heart of fan conventions and of cosplay. It's a chance for a group of people who have usually been bullied or experienced hardship due to their interests to defiantly strut their stuff and embrace themselves. Because of conventions and cosplay, people like myself who had for the longest time lived in fear of being teased for their differences can stand strong and walk proudly on to a city bus dressed as Commander Riker.  Learning to be true to ourselves and stand proud is a difficult lesson to learn for anyone, but thanks to cosplay and nerd conventions, this has been made a little bit easier...at least if you're a nerd. 

Have your own stories of empowerment through cosplay or the nerd subculture as a whole? Let me know in the comments! 

As always, yours in diversity! 

Adam Michael 

"Don't Judge Me On How I Talk": The Curse of Verbal Clumsiness

I had something happen to me the other day at work that I just knew had to be made into a blog post. I was in the washroom of all places, finishing up my business when I started making small talk with another gentleman who was washing his hands. After the usual "you're working late" and "another day, another dollar," cliches had been exchanged, I found myself suddenly feeling awkward and struggling to string together a logical sentence. It was as though my brain knew it wanted to be smooth and casual, but my words wouldn't co-operate. I rambled slightly, grinned awkwardly, washed my own hands and promptly escaped from the scene and back to my desk. 

From talking to some fellow Aspies and reading testimonials online, I know I'm not the only spectrum-dweller who experiences this. It's as though my thought processes move too fast for my speech to adequately explain them. When I try, I fumble, struggle or have to calm myself down and try again. My friend Nancy has taken to calling her ability to understand me in these situations "speaking Adam fluently," but as giggle-worthy as that is, it highlights a problem many of us Aspies and Autistics face. The fact is, verbal communication is often too sluggish and limited for the thoughts that go through our brains. 

I've often had the experience that I write far better than I speak. My old manager at Blockbuster Video (remember that place?) used to say that I was slightly awkward, and I certainly felt that way when speaking face to face with someone. When given either a pen and paper or a computer with a word processor, however, I've often amazed others with the eloquence of my communicative ability. I've built worlds, created entire species, argued for political change and expressed the deepest, darkest parts of myself through the written word in ways that I could only dream of doing with my mouth and verbal communication. In short, writing sets my mind free from the constraints of my physical body and its limited communication abilities. After all, words, gestures and the unconscious interpretation of pheromones and facial features (in non-autistics at least) are so limited compared to the soaring imagination of a mind freed from these things and allowed to explore. 

For this reason, I think it's silly that many psychological professionals judge the intelligence of Neurodiverse individuals on their ability to speak and their speaking patterns. There are, after all, countless tales of savants who can't speak a word but who are capable of great works of music, culture, art, and even philosophical insight. Speech is not the only means of communication available to humans, and on the flip side, to quote Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn, "the ability to speak does not make one intelligent." We need to move beyond thinking of verbal speech as the only way people can talk to each other and express themselves when it simply isn't. Only a more open-minded approach to human communication will allow all those of us who are neurodiverse to participate fully in our society and truly share our gifts with the world. 

As always, yours in diversity. 

Adam Michael. 

Adam vs Motivation: The Struggle is Real

My struggle with motivation is nothing new. In fact, if you go back far enough, it was the reason behind so many of my school-related arguments with my parents growing up. It always seemed as though I would rather be doing something, anything, else rather than what it was that I was supposed to do. This is, after all, the curse of being born with the specific combination of Aspergers and ADHD-Inattentive that I have, and it has made life interesting to say the least. Indeed, be it elementary school, or my graduate studies program, one thing has always been certain; it has been a constant war between Adam and his motivation.

It should come as no surprise that I’m sitting here writing this while coming off the tail end of a month-long lack-of-motivation streak. In fact, that’s exactly why I chose this particular topic to write about. In fairness, it has been a busy month; my grandmother has been in the hospital, I’ve had to focus my efforts on work, and so on. Even still, such excuses only go so far. They don’t justify my not taking even a moment to write a quick blog post. This is where being Neurodivergent definitely comes into play since all of this relates back to our good old friend Executive Functioning. EF is the brain function that controls regulation of actions and motivation, among others. In the minds of people with Aspergers and ADHD, this function is slightly impaired. I’m not using this as an excuse for my lack of work on this blog in the past month; I am firmly of the belief that one still needs to take responsibility for one’s own actions. Despite that, however, it helps to know how Executive Functioning impairments do make seemingly simple tasks more difficult to carry out in real life.

The Aspie brain has an interesting relationship with motivation. When there’s something we’re interested in, we can hyperfocus in on it to an incredible degree, and all other concerns (including time itself) seem to melt away while we work on our passions. On the other hand, doing hard work on something we aren’t so interested in can feel like pulling teeth. The problem is, life isn’t always filled with things we want to do and are super interested in doing. Often times, there are many daily tasks that we may not want to do and may try to avoid like the bubonic plague. This gets doubly as hard when you aren’t neurotypical, as despite all of the amazing gifts that come with being neurodivergent, I’ve long said that it’s a give and take...and this is definitely of the latter variety. The trick to coping with motivational difficulties is simply perseverence, in addition to finding other little tricks that encourage you to keep on keeping on with whatever project it is you’re working on. For me, that involves assigning myself daily goals and limits. I do what I set out to do that day and that’s it, no more, and certainly no less. It’s a trick I picked up in university, and I’ve sworn by it ever since.

Motivation is one of those things we all struggle with, whether we’re neurotypical or neurodivergent. No matter where you come from and from what angle you come at it, learning to cope with motivational challenges is never easy. When you’re on the spectrum, however, it can be even harder. The only advice I can give is, keep on striving. Endure, find tricks to cope, and most of all, believe in yourself. You are exactly who you need to be, and you can do it!

As always, yours in diversity,

Adam Michael

"Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations": Sulu's Sexuality and Why I Respectfully Disagree With George Takei (Only This Once!)

Before I begin this rant, I just want to say one thing; I dislike Star Trek 2009. It’s not that it’s a bad movie to be sure – it and its sequel Star Trek Into Darkness were rollicking good times at the movies during which I thoroughly enjoyed myself. That being said, however, in my opinion they didn’t feel like Star Trek. For a series which has always been so focused on exploration, pushing boundaries, seeking new life and new civilizations, and understanding the human condition, the new movies felt so very action-y. Because of this, I was overjoyed to see that, just in time for Star Trek’s 50^th anniversary, the team behind the upcoming Star Trek Beyond had chosen to embrace the true spirit of Star Trek in a very important way. The writers of the new movie, in a move meant to honour both Gene Roddenberry’s vision of equality for all and actor/LGBT activist George Takei, made U.S.S. Enterprise helmsman Hikaru Sulu gay. And I for one couldn’t be happier!

Strangely, the loudest opposition to this has come not from the homophobes and their apologists, but from an unlikely source; George Takei himself! In a press release, he said that, while he is totally in favour of an LGBT character being introduced on Star Trek, he felt that making it one of the main cast threatens to undermine the thought Roddenberry put into each of his characters. Indeed, the debate got so intense that Simon Pegg, who both wrote the new movie and stars in it as Scotty, wrote his own rebuttal, in which he states that, for one, this is an alternate universe, and for two, it had to be an existing character so as not to embrace tokenism and reduce a new character to their sexuality. In essence, Pegg wanted to mirror on the big screen what is a common occurance for many in the real world; finding out a close friend or family member is gay, and not having it change one’s opinion of another in any way.

Frankly, I’m a big fan of Simon Pegg’s justification for choosing Sulu since it serves as an example of just how important it is to not reduce any human down to a label. In fact, this is an important message not just for the LGBT community but also for the Neurodiversity community as well. Mental health and neurological difference are both still so stigmatized in our world that, for every person who is evidently and obviously different, there are so many others of us who manage to fly beneath the radar. For those of us able to pass as neurotypical and, as Elsa says in Disney’s Frozen, “conceal, don’t feel,” there can be just as much of a feeling of living in the closet as for anyone who is gay. People come to know us a certain way, accept us a certain way, and may not be aware that there is anything different about us. This all, of course, comes crashing to a halt in many cases when the truth is revealed. All of a sudden, the label becomes all that many people can see, and they neglect any of the other strengths of character that may define us far more than a single diagnostic word. For this reason, I have to disagree with George Takei; Sulu is absolutely the perfect choice for an LGBT crew member, and Simon Pegg’s portrayal of it in script – that it’s no big deal and no one bats an eye or cares – is so critically important. It does what Star Trek does best; it shows us the best of humanity and what is possible when we embrace love and reject hate. This is why it is so important that this not simply be an aspect of the Kelvin Timeline Sulu and not also his prime originator; after all, it’s much more poignant for the audience to have gotten to know this character for 50 years before finding out about his sexual orientation, since it allows people to judge him on his merits as a character, not strictly on his sexuality. It does a great deal to enhance the character and convey an important point about labels not defining us as humans. While I’ve been lucky to have many accepting friends and family, I dream of the day when this is true for those of us who are neurodivergent as well.

Mr. Takei, don’t take this the wrong way; I have been, and always shall be, a big fan of yours. You defined the character of Hikaru Sulu and bravely stood against racism in the process at a time when the Japanese were still freshly coming off of being one of the United States’ biggest enemies. Your presence on the bridge of the starship Enterprise normalized people of all different races and ethnicities working together. With your hard work, Hikaru Sulu was able to boldly go where no one had gone before, and this is work you have continued in your real life struggle for LGBT equality. In many ways, sexual orientation is the new racism (even though the old racism has hardly gone away), and your former character is the perfect ambassador for not just those who are gay, but for all of us striving for greater acceptance and equality for who we truly are. Let Star Trek continue the work that you began all those years ago, and let Hikaru Sulu continue to point the way ahead both in terms of human rights and from the navigation console of the Enterprise’ bridge.

After all, to quote an ancient Vulcan proverb; infinite diversity in infinite combinations.  

As always, yours in said infinite diversity,

Adam Michael

Self Love: A Personal Journey

This entry isn't strictly about Neurodiversity, but I do feel that it is relevant on a larger scale. I know we've all felt it; the judgment of our peers, the social pressure to conform to an acceptable definition of normal. Indeed, we seem to thrive on shaming as a society, whether well-intentioned or otherwise. We seem to have a perception that shame is the only way we can improve ourselves and others, and this couldn't be more wrong. 

In addition to being an Aspie, I've always struggled with my weight. I've never been a small kid: I love food far too much for that to ever have been the case. When I reached my first year of university, things came to a head and, like most new college students, I lived off the cheap food available in the cafeteria. Needless to say, I gained a lot of weight that year.  

Something I'm only starting to admit to myself and to others now is that I flirted with an eating disorder that year. My step mom and my dad are wonderful people don't get me wrong, but they haven't always been the most accepting of the concept of body positivity. So thoroughly did I embrace this skewed vision of healthy where "thin is in" that it got to the point where I was afraid to eat a chocolate bar. I would also obsessively weigh myself every day and if I went a pound higher than where I wanted to be, I'd deprive myself of some morsel of food in order to compensate.  

Recently, I've come to the point where I no longer care about what people think. It wasn't an easy journey, and there are always moments where I'm weak, but I've been making a concerted effort to love and accept myself as I am. I'm easily far heavier now than I was back then, but I also feel far happier emotionally and spiritually than I did. As I realized this, it made me really consider what is important in life.  

Judgment and arbitrary definitions of normalcy are things that everyone faces at some point or another. Everyone and their dog has some idea of how others should be, and this leads to a high incidence of depression and suicide in our society, as people find that they ultimately can't compete. In this world, self love is a radical, much needed and yet little understood thing. There is something profoundly liberating about accepting oneself as one is, and yet society continues to encourage the opposite from all of us. 

It's taken me a long time to get to the point where I love myself fully, as a larger human, as an Aspie, and as anything else that may be a part of my makeup. Even still, self love will always be something I struggle with. It's high time we start promoting this concept. After all, we are all perfectly who we are meant to be…why shouldn't we love ourselves for it?