I haven't updated
this blog as much as I've liked over the past month, but in my
defence I have a very good reason for this. As I've mentioned in a
few posts previously, I've been working on writing a book about my
experiences growing up and living with Aspergers' Syndrome. Titled
“Differently Wired: The Musings of a Grown Up Aspie,” my book
will explore living with ASD from every angle, and needless to say
I've excitedly been throwing everything I have into the project.
Sadly, I've ignored the blog a bit because of this, for which I want
to apologize.
During the course of
writing, however, I've had some interesting reflections. Recently, I
had to go obtain some documents from my Ontario School Record to
assist me in putting the project together and I can safely say that
exploring my own school documents was a humbling and enlightening
experience. I have a Master's in history, so I am familiar with how
to properly use and research primary source documents. The difference
is, I'm accustomed to such primary source documents being somewhat
impersonal; a speech by a prime minister, a report from a general,
correspondence from the front lines, that sort of thing. Nothing
prepared me for my journey through my own personal history
In any university
history program, one important rule that they teach is to look at the
past with the same kind of detachment you'd use when learning about
another country. In retrospect, I've learned that a similar approach
must be taken when looking through one's own past. Even still,
however, it was a powerful experience to learn where I came from
through the eyes of my parents and educators rather than through my
own. We all, I think, have a rose-coloured view of our own lives, and
its often difficult to accept that we may have not been quite as
capable at any number of things at any point in our lives. For me,
looking through my OSR drove home the fact that, if I am now okay
with socializing and only come off as slightly awkward, that was not
always the case. According to my evaluations, there was a time in my
school career where I was not well liked by others, nor did I display
any leadership qualities at all. At the time, I found this hurtful to
read, but if anything it serves to show how much we all grow
throughout our lives.
Aspergers is, of
course, a pervasive developmental condition which lasts a lifetime
and so it comes as no surprise that there were parts of my own life
which demonstrated my Aspie-ness more than others. We all learn, grow
and develop coping strategies as we move through life, and so people
can seem far more well-adjusted later in life than they did earlier.
It can be a humbling and empowering experience to learn about oneself
at an earlier point in life but I caution anyone doing so not to
internalize it. Instead, look at what you read for what it is; a
snapshot of a time long gone by. It is true that those who do not
learn from the past are doomed to repeat it, but equally true is the
danger of allowing oneself to be ruled by the past.
After all, we need
to move forward, onward and upward at all times!
Yours in Diversity,
Adam Michael
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