So I’m actually
going to do something different with this post. While everyone else
seems to be focused (rightly so) on the Trump presidency and the
potential disasters that it may bring for civil rights in both
America and the world, I’d like to use this entry to talk about
something else. I recently got into, played through, and finished the
Mass Effect series, and had some interesting insight dawn on me after
a particularly deep conversation with a friend. For those of you
reading this who are not gamers, the Mass Effect games are a trilogy
put out by Canadian-based development company BioWare and are unique
in that almost every aspect of the story is shaped by the moral and
situational choices made by the player throughout the adventure.
Stereotypically ‘good’ choices are highlighted in blue during
in-game dialog, and ‘bad’ are red...but these are only available
if you’ve put the time and effort into going down either path
almost exclusively. The other, non-highlighted options are the
messier and arguably truer to life ones. It all got me thinking;
would being on the Autism spectrum have impacted the choices I made
throughout the 40 hours I sunk into the series? The answer I
discovered, upon reflection, is fascinating but not clear-cut.
The cliched, almost
stereotypical way to look at this would be that, as someone on the
spectrum, this kind of game should be easy. I should almost always
choose the logical choice, emotions be damned (because apparently we
spectrum-dwellers have low Emotional Quotient), and let the game play
out according to some grand design based on optimal character specs
or some other similarly arcane factor. The reality was, at least for
me, the complete opposite. After all, as I’ve mentioned numerous
times on this blog before, the problem with Aspergers isn’t a lack
of emotion (at least not in my case), but rather an over-abundance of
feeling approaching sensory overload. This, combined with a mind that
does not always grasp the nuances of social situations can make for
an interesting approach to games like Mass Effect, which are built on
moral and ethical dilemmas. There is one story arc in particular in
which I feel that the choices I made were impacted by my Aspie brain.
The way I dealt with it screams Aspergers because it was a case of my
trying to do the right thing for a character and horribly mangling it
socially.
Warning: Spoilers
for Mass Effect 2 ahead. I know it’s been out for years, but if you
haven’t played it yet, you probably shouldn’t have even read this
far in this post. Seriously dude...I appreciate the support for
Neurodiversity but drop this RIGHT NOW and go play through this epic
series. You won’t be sorry!
With
that disclaimer out of the way, I feel safer explaining the story in
question. One of the overarching themes of this franchise has been
our relationship with technology in general and, specifically, the
relationship
between synthetic and organic life. One
race, the Quarians, long ago created robotic servants called the Geth
who, in the time-honoured tradition of Hollywood robots everywhere,
rebelled against their organic masters, pushed them off their
homeworld and forced them to wander the cosmos for centuries.
Naturally, Geth and Quarians were not fans of each other, so when
Tali, the resident Quarian on your team (and all around lovable
character) finds out her people are putting her on trial for helping
the Geth, I of course made the choice to take her back to the Migrant
Fleet and help her reclaim her honour. Things got complicated during
the mission to gather the
evidence necessary
to exonerate Tali, however,
when it was discovered that her father – a high ranking Quarian
admiral – was the one experimenting on live Geth behind everyone’s
backs. Enter the moral
quandary; Tali begged me to let her take the fall for her father,
despite his begging in a recording we recovered that I not let his
daughter suffer for his mistakes. If I did what she asked, her father
would be known as the good man he was rather than for the one grave
error he made, but Tali herself would be exiled and never allowed to
return home. For a race as family-centered as hers, that was almost a
fate worse than death. In my mind, the course of action was clear and
it required me to betray her trust, tell the court about her father
and clear her name. I figured that, even if she immediately hated
me, she’d be able to return home after the mission we were on, and
it would play out well in
the end.
Except
it didn’t.
Tali
hated me for the rest of the game, and my choices then got her killed
during the game’s climax, so ultimately my actions – seeming so
right in the moment – backfired on me and no amount of apologizing
could make it better. Despite it being a video game, this really
tugged hard at my heart strings and it brought me face to face with
the fact that, to those of us on the Spectrum, the path that seems
most logical may not always be the correct one in terms of society
and interpersonal relationships. I’ve often had it happen in real
life where I acted similarly; making a decision that I thought was
the right one to make only to realize later how explosively
disastrous it was because I failed to take into account other
factors. This is, of course, due to the Executive Functioning
difficulties those of us on the Spectrum face, and while we’re the
most sympathetic and apologetic people under the sun when our
transgressions are explained to us, it is so very easy for us to not
even realize we’ve done something wrong at first.
I’m
sure I can think of far more examples of how the decisions I made in
this amazing series of video games were affected by my being an
Aspie, but Tali’s mission hit me hardest
and stuck with me for the rest of my play time for this exact reason.
While I grant that not all video games are art, one of the key
attributes of an artistic medium is that it forces us to examine
ourselves, become introspective and find a personal connection with
the work in question. For an Aspie who feels too deeply, this is easy
enough to accomplish in a game like Mass Effect which is built around
its characters. When those relationships force me to then realize
truths about myself, my own thought processes and decision-making
behaviour however? That, to me, is when this series transcended mere
entertainment and became something more -
art.
So
thank you BioWare. I’m a little late to the party with this one,
but you taught me a lot about myself and took me on one hell of an
adventure in the process!
As
always, yours in diversity,
Adam
Michael
